Seester, seester!

So it is crazy how much your life can change when the person that you are closest to leaves you… TWICE!

Gretch, is NOT the person that I am most like in the world. Gretch, is NOT the first person to reassure me that I am doing everything right. Gretch, is NOT the person that really gets me fully... which is evident by the fact that I usually have to explain my thoughts and actions to my sister in length. And even after pouring out all my mental activity, she is still usually going to say, "Sorry, I don't see it that way." But she is the best sister that I could ask for and there is no denying that when she leaves me behind I miss her dearly and greatly.

So my sisterhood with Gretch is probably not the typical sister story. We were not close growing up. A matter of fact, she hated me. Which is hard to believe, because I am very lovable… always have been. And surprisingly, I was even more delightful at a younger age. I pretty much peaked at life DURING the time our only interactions included her rolling her eyes and walking away wearing her FUBU clothes. For a few years of my life, I think she was the only person that hated me (this is either because she was, indeed, the only person in the entire world that didn’t really like me or I was a bit delusional about how much everyone else thought I was amazing). So since I figured she was just a bad judge of character, I ignored her and let her do her own thing. Besides I was so caught up in my awesome teenage life and tons of friends to really notice.

But then sometime between high school for her and post college for me, we started to become close. She warmed up to the idea that I might have something to offer. And through the years, we have continued to become closer and share a lot of experiences and emotions most adult sisters don’t get to. In my later years, there are times that she is one of the only people that I know really loves me. And she even loves the emotional, overly self-reflective, stubbornly independent me that not everyone gets to experience. But it is an odd challenging love. I think this is mainly because we are nothing alike. People that know us say all the time, "You two are soooo different." One of our friends from Germany pretty much summed it up when he said to me, "When I first met Gretchen, I was instantly surrounded by butterflies and unicorns and monkeys and babies and all that is happy in the world. But oddly, I did not experience any of those warm and happy feelings when I first met you." To which I replied, "Nor should you get any of those feelings from me." It turns out, rarely will anyone get the same feelings or thoughts or responses from the two of us, because we really have very little in common. And this is a fact, we both readily admit.

So when Gretch moved away in January 2009 to start her European adventure, I was happy for her. But it was weird because I soon became sad for me. I missed her dearly and started to realize a sad part of life is that you do tend to take for granted those that are around you, those that you do love the most, and those that make you happiest. I was going through a really tough time professionally and personally which was slowly breaking me down. I usually can take a lot, but it had all started to add up. When I started to try to figure out what was wrong, it was not that life had become too much but that my support system had disappeared. I had lost my “guardian angel” and I missed her. I tried to do the reasonable thing and just call her more and talk to her more. But it is a SEVEN HOUR time difference between the Land of 10,000 Lakes and Germany, so it was impossible to talk to her regularly.

I think that there was no denying that it affected me the night that I was hanging out with my mom and dad and at 2 am, Papa Kirschling said, “Hey, let’s call Gretch and Josh because it is 9 am their time and they should be getting up right about now.” Awseome idea!! So after talking to her for the first time in three weeks (even though I had tried to call her countless times during that time), I went back to hanging out with my mom and dad and out of nowhere started to cry…. Uncontrollably. The conversation that ensued went something like this: Mom: “You miss your sister, don’t you?” Me: “Yes, (blah, blah, sniffle, snort, sniffle) A LOT” Dad: “Well, who would have thought it? When you two were separated I knew it was going to be hard and a growing experience for the two of you, but I thought it would be hard on Gretch and you would be fine. I thought you were the tough independent one. But she seems to be just fine and look at you. You can’t even form a coherent sentence. Huh… I really didn’t expect this.”

This moment of Ronnie Kirschling wisdom/brutal honesty brought such clarity to me. I did need to get a hold of myself and buck up. I either had to move to Germany OR spend the next two years of my life crying uncontrollably at odd times of the day while being judged unfavorably by my own father. I decided to choose option A because it seemed better for all involved.

So I did what anybody would do, I uprooted my life and followed her like the sister groupie that I am. I figured if Gretch was planning on going on a World Tour, I was going to follow her.

It is funny because Gretch does challenge me more than anyone else… .and I love that about her (and get incredibly frustrated with her about it). Isn’t it funny how the quality you love the most about someone, else can bother and get under your skin more than anything else?

It is amusing because I used to think that if I just was around her more, she would become more like ME. She would pick up my humor, my generosity, my attitude about life, my desire to always put others first, my love for spontaneous fun, my mindset about everything. This did not happen. She didn’t become me… and I didn’t become her. So after growing up with her my whole life, living as adults with her for six years in Minnesota, and now moving to Germany to be close to her for 2.5 years.. I finally give up. We are NEVER going to be the same person but I realized that we were meant to challenge each other into being our own individual selfs. And most importantly, we have now had the unique experience of seeing and experiencing the world through each others’ eyes. We are not anymore alike than before but I know I am a better person overall because of Gretch.

I think a quote that can sum up Gretchen’s instrumental role in my life is: “God doesn’t give you the people you want, he gives you the people you need. To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you the person you were meant to be.”

What I have come to realize is that I needed Gretch these last two years and now I need to learn to get what I want for myself. I need to really tackle this world all by myself. And I learned that because Gretchen taught me that.

So I do think that I am doing much better this time around. The hardest thing is knowing that Gretch will be a mother soon and I won’t be around all the time to watch her take on that adventure/challenge. However, I know she will be an amazing mother. She has a heart that can love anyone and concern for loved ones that will protect any child from any physical or emotional dangers that the world can present. She also has an amazing parental team with Josh. I think that I have come to terms with the fact that this chapter of our lives will be done from afar. But I am so thankful for all the chapters that we have had the opportunity to write as sisters and the life long memories that we have made during the journey. I am so thankful that two totally different people with similar genetic makeup have been able to grow close and share all that we have and I look forward to the new adventures on the horizon. Gretch, I love you tons and in the words of Barbara K “Thank YOU for being YOU!”