Seester, seester!

So it is crazy how much your life can change when the person that you are closest to leaves you… TWICE!

Gretch, is NOT the person that I am most like in the world. Gretch, is NOT the first person to reassure me that I am doing everything right. Gretch, is NOT the person that really gets me fully... which is evident by the fact that I usually have to explain my thoughts and actions to my sister in length. And even after pouring out all my mental activity, she is still usually going to say, "Sorry, I don't see it that way." But she is the best sister that I could ask for and there is no denying that when she leaves me behind I miss her dearly and greatly.

So my sisterhood with Gretch is probably not the typical sister story. We were not close growing up. A matter of fact, she hated me. Which is hard to believe, because I am very lovable… always have been. And surprisingly, I was even more delightful at a younger age. I pretty much peaked at life DURING the time our only interactions included her rolling her eyes and walking away wearing her FUBU clothes. For a few years of my life, I think she was the only person that hated me (this is either because she was, indeed, the only person in the entire world that didn’t really like me or I was a bit delusional about how much everyone else thought I was amazing). So since I figured she was just a bad judge of character, I ignored her and let her do her own thing. Besides I was so caught up in my awesome teenage life and tons of friends to really notice.

But then sometime between high school for her and post college for me, we started to become close. She warmed up to the idea that I might have something to offer. And through the years, we have continued to become closer and share a lot of experiences and emotions most adult sisters don’t get to. In my later years, there are times that she is one of the only people that I know really loves me. And she even loves the emotional, overly self-reflective, stubbornly independent me that not everyone gets to experience. But it is an odd challenging love. I think this is mainly because we are nothing alike. People that know us say all the time, "You two are soooo different." One of our friends from Germany pretty much summed it up when he said to me, "When I first met Gretchen, I was instantly surrounded by butterflies and unicorns and monkeys and babies and all that is happy in the world. But oddly, I did not experience any of those warm and happy feelings when I first met you." To which I replied, "Nor should you get any of those feelings from me." It turns out, rarely will anyone get the same feelings or thoughts or responses from the two of us, because we really have very little in common. And this is a fact, we both readily admit.

So when Gretch moved away in January 2009 to start her European adventure, I was happy for her. But it was weird because I soon became sad for me. I missed her dearly and started to realize a sad part of life is that you do tend to take for granted those that are around you, those that you do love the most, and those that make you happiest. I was going through a really tough time professionally and personally which was slowly breaking me down. I usually can take a lot, but it had all started to add up. When I started to try to figure out what was wrong, it was not that life had become too much but that my support system had disappeared. I had lost my “guardian angel” and I missed her. I tried to do the reasonable thing and just call her more and talk to her more. But it is a SEVEN HOUR time difference between the Land of 10,000 Lakes and Germany, so it was impossible to talk to her regularly.

I think that there was no denying that it affected me the night that I was hanging out with my mom and dad and at 2 am, Papa Kirschling said, “Hey, let’s call Gretch and Josh because it is 9 am their time and they should be getting up right about now.” Awseome idea!! So after talking to her for the first time in three weeks (even though I had tried to call her countless times during that time), I went back to hanging out with my mom and dad and out of nowhere started to cry…. Uncontrollably. The conversation that ensued went something like this: Mom: “You miss your sister, don’t you?” Me: “Yes, (blah, blah, sniffle, snort, sniffle) A LOT” Dad: “Well, who would have thought it? When you two were separated I knew it was going to be hard and a growing experience for the two of you, but I thought it would be hard on Gretch and you would be fine. I thought you were the tough independent one. But she seems to be just fine and look at you. You can’t even form a coherent sentence. Huh… I really didn’t expect this.”

This moment of Ronnie Kirschling wisdom/brutal honesty brought such clarity to me. I did need to get a hold of myself and buck up. I either had to move to Germany OR spend the next two years of my life crying uncontrollably at odd times of the day while being judged unfavorably by my own father. I decided to choose option A because it seemed better for all involved.

So I did what anybody would do, I uprooted my life and followed her like the sister groupie that I am. I figured if Gretch was planning on going on a World Tour, I was going to follow her.

It is funny because Gretch does challenge me more than anyone else… .and I love that about her (and get incredibly frustrated with her about it). Isn’t it funny how the quality you love the most about someone, else can bother and get under your skin more than anything else?

It is amusing because I used to think that if I just was around her more, she would become more like ME. She would pick up my humor, my generosity, my attitude about life, my desire to always put others first, my love for spontaneous fun, my mindset about everything. This did not happen. She didn’t become me… and I didn’t become her. So after growing up with her my whole life, living as adults with her for six years in Minnesota, and now moving to Germany to be close to her for 2.5 years.. I finally give up. We are NEVER going to be the same person but I realized that we were meant to challenge each other into being our own individual selfs. And most importantly, we have now had the unique experience of seeing and experiencing the world through each others’ eyes. We are not anymore alike than before but I know I am a better person overall because of Gretch.

I think a quote that can sum up Gretchen’s instrumental role in my life is: “God doesn’t give you the people you want, he gives you the people you need. To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you the person you were meant to be.”

What I have come to realize is that I needed Gretch these last two years and now I need to learn to get what I want for myself. I need to really tackle this world all by myself. And I learned that because Gretchen taught me that.

So I do think that I am doing much better this time around. The hardest thing is knowing that Gretch will be a mother soon and I won’t be around all the time to watch her take on that adventure/challenge. However, I know she will be an amazing mother. She has a heart that can love anyone and concern for loved ones that will protect any child from any physical or emotional dangers that the world can present. She also has an amazing parental team with Josh. I think that I have come to terms with the fact that this chapter of our lives will be done from afar. But I am so thankful for all the chapters that we have had the opportunity to write as sisters and the life long memories that we have made during the journey. I am so thankful that two totally different people with similar genetic makeup have been able to grow close and share all that we have and I look forward to the new adventures on the horizon. Gretch, I love you tons and in the words of Barbara K “Thank YOU for being YOU!”

Mama Meaghan For a Week

Life has a funny way of helping you out when you need a little distraction.

So there have been a lot of goodbyes lately. People are leaving this soon-to-be-ghost-town at a pretty fast pace. Just about as soon as you have gotten used to them coming back from deployment, they are right back out the door. I guess that is Army life. I have come to accept it-- for the most part.

Honestly, the only really hard part is that everyone that leaves here is excited to leave. No matter if they liked Germany or not, by the time it is their turn to say Tschus, they are ready to throw up deuces and move on. At first, I took this a little personal. I know change has to come and people have to come in and out of your life but I would like to think it is hard to leave me… at least a little bit. But people definitely do NOT leave his place kicking and screaming. They usually leave smiling and shaking their heads about what their life here has been like.


Anyways, I knew this dreaded time of end of March/beginning of April was coming.. Gretch and Josh were leaving and so was my good friend Roy. I was not sure how I was going to deal with it because I tried to focus on the positives and embrace the change but I also realized that life as I knew it in Germany was going to be way different.

I am not going to lie…. I am a very sensitive and slightly emotional person. Not everyone gets to see this side of me. Those that know me well know that wben I am happy, I am happy. But when I am sad, it is a full-blown production! We are not talking a type of dark depression or anything of that nature, we are just talking about a lot of feeling, tears, and self-reflection. I like to go through the emotion and move on. And maybe listen to sad music in the process.


So about a week before Josh and Gretch left, it hit me. And I think poor Josh got the brunt of it because he was stuck with two very sad and emotional girls. But I have to admit that he is the most amazing brother-in-law because he dealt with it as if he was very in tune to female emotions. I chalk this up to Gretchen molding him into a good husband and him growing up with two sisters (and maybe to the fact that he is just a completely legit human being- fairly close to self-actualization).

Since I started the build up about a week before they left, I got very nervous about how I was going to be when they actually did leave… this is where the unexpected life distraction came in.

The day before they left, I got a phone call from a couple that I am close to here that they needed someone to watch their three children because of an emergency. And I needed to start tomorrow (the day that Gretch and Josh left the country). I truly believe that one of the things about life is that we are suppose to help each other out and I like to fault on the side of good karma so I didn’t hesitate to take the three kids. Plus I secretly love hanging out with children and these three are pretty awesome.



So being thrown into motherhood, really made me realize a few things and I figured I would stop my long blog absence and reflect.

1. It is impossible to have three kids completely content with life at the same time. Impossible. If two are happy, one is sad. IF you get the one that is sad, happy, then it is usually at the expense of another one and then they are sad.

2. I love sport analogies. I feel that they really do a good job of summing up some of life’s little lessons. I heard one once while watching Wimbledon. The announcer, probably John McEnroe, said “the best time to break is right after you have been broken.” It has stuck with me because I feel like this is true in life too. The best triumphs in life usually come right after the worst heartaches. What I learned with kids is the best laughter, smiles, and unexpected joys usually come right after you think you can’t take anymore.

3. Who knew you had to plan for an additional hour and fifteen minutes in the morning to get three kids ready? And most of that time is just to allow for meltdowns because they are going to happen in the morning and they are going to be amazing meltdowns of catastrophic proportion.

4. People always ask me how I went to school full time and worked nights full time and got all my degrees. I now know how I did it… I didn’t have kids!!! Kids are unpredictable and you really can’t ever put yourself first. Right when you think you can and you can have some “me time”, one gets sick or encounters a life problem that is more dramatic than As the World Turns.

5. Sometimes kids want you to yell at them. This boggles my mind. Any attention is good attention and sometimes they have breakdowns and put on childhood productions just for the hug afterwards. This is incredibly frustrating for someone who hates conflict but really endearing for someone who also loves a good hug and cuddle session.



6. You have to say no. … all the time. You feel mean and cruel and super uncool but you have to. And kids will push the limits.

7. It is really hard for three kids to conceive why an adult of my age would not have a husband. And the only question they can think to ask that might have the answer to this question is “What is wrong with you Miss Meaghan that nobody would want to marry you?” Just for the record- we spent about three different evenings exploring this question and came to no conclusions.

8. They don’t even realize how cool they are. Alexa, is the 11 year old and the oldest, she was my sanity in the morning and we had fun morning times. We would get ready in the bathroom together and she would play her music. One of the songs on her ipod, I really liked. The first time she played it I said, “this is my jam. I love it.” After that, she would always play that song first and then smile at me. I loved that and it was the high point of my morning (and she probably didn't even think twice about it)

9. Kids are really simple but also incredibly complex at times. One of my favorite little moments was on Sunday. We had been watching movies all day so I told the kids we had to go on a walk and we ended up walking around Albessen for about an hour looking at the horses, llamas, chickens, and running the dogs on the nearby path. It was a pretty basic walk but as David, the six year old, was holding my hand he said something so simple but cute, “Miss Meaghan, this is just so much fun.”

10. The 6 year old also said another awesome thing. He was at my work because he was sick and I needed to work. He all of a sudden announced, “Miss Meaghan, I have to go poopy.” To which I said, “Do you need help with that?” (because this untrained quasi mom did not know if this was a task he was able to accomplish alone. And he said, “NO!! Pooping is easy!”

I know the people that do this parenthood thing on a daily basis probably have a lot more insight than I do, but I thought I would share some of the lessons and fun stories that I accumulated throughout the week.

I really did enjoy my time with the kids and will miss the chaotic awesomeness they brought to my life. But am thankful that they took my mind off of other things right when I needed it most.