Choosing What Matters

As a reflective person, I tend to ponder things and one of life's little mysteries is what does matter in life. This is obviously a rhetorical question about life, but I think what really does matter is how you treat people.... especially those that you love. I like to read and used to read a fair amount before coming here. A passage that really resonated with me was from "The Secret Life of Bees" by Sue Monk Kidd.



“There’s one thing I don’t get,” I said.

“What’s that?”

“How come if your favorite color is blue, you painted your house so pink?”

She laughed. “That was May’s doing. She was with me the day I went to the paint store to pick out the color. I had a nice tan color in mind, but May latched on to this sample called Caribbean Pink. She said it made her feel like dancing a Spanish flamenco. I thought, ‘Well, this is the tackiest color I’ve ever seen, and we’ll have half the town talking about us, but if it can lift May’s heart like that, I guess she ought to live inside it.’”

“All this time I just figured you liked pink,” I said.

She laughed again. “You know, some things don’t matter that much, Lily. Like the color of a house. How big is that in the overall scheme of life? But lifting a person’s heart — now, that matters. The whole problem with people is –”

“They don’t know what matters and what doesn’t,” I said, filling in her sentence and feeling proud of myself for doing so.

“I was gonna say, The problem is they know what matters, but they don’t choose it. You know how hard that is, Lily? I love May, but it was still so hard to choose Caribbean Pink. The hardest thing on earth is choosing what matters.”

So the question that arises for me is how hard is it to really make other people happy? Is it really that hard to think of other people when making decisions? Not that you have to do things solely for other people and not let your needs be known, but I feel that most people think that life is about making sure that their needs are met first and foremost.

And the majority of people that would decide that it was okay to paint their house Caribbean Pink for someone else would make sure that was never forgotten. August decided to paint her house for her sister... but I can guarantee that five years from now if they got into a fight she wouldn't say "Well, you are ungrateful because I painted by house Caribbean Pink for you."

I just do love this passage because it does bring to light two important things. 1. What matters in life is treating other people well and 2. Good deeds should be done not for collateral or recognition but out of love.

My Truths

So I have debated for awhile on whether or not to post this blog because i am worried that it will come across as a bit pretentious, but then I decided that is what a blog is about anyways. Therefore, I am going to just go ahead and post it.

I recently read an article that was sent to me from my friend, Danielle, regarding all the truths that the writer has learned in life. I decided to sit down over the course of a few weeks and write out “my truths.” The things that I have learned over the past 31 years and what shapes my reality. I thought it was worth posting for others to comment on (please please please comment) and because I would like to have it so that I can go back sometime and reflect. Since this internet thing is probably going to stick around for a minute, I would like to come back to this blog in twenty years and reflect on the fact that I had no idea what life was about when I was 31 or that maybe I wasn’t so far off.

This entry is going to be a little bit long but I have spent a lot of time reflecting and observing things about life... Some of these lessons I have picked up because of things that have occurred in my life and some I have learned vicariously through other people. And as you can also see, some of the lessons/truths I have posted are from other people... things that have resonated with me. So these are some of the things that I have learned so far in my life.

When in doubt, fake it til you make it

Some people are not to be in you life forever- Let them go.
Some people should be in your life for the long haul and will add a lot, teach you many things, and challenge you- Let them in.

It is not natural for everyone to be in your life forever. Some people are just meant to be in it for a short period of time... we learn lessons from them and move on. Unfortunately, Facebook does not agree with this concept.. at. all.

People will take you for granted especially if you let them, but never demand attention or affection.
However, do something everyday to remind those people that matter to you that you are awesome even if they never realize what you did.

“If you can’t be with the one you live, love the one you are with”

Don’t let anyone be careless with you heart and don’t be reckless with someone else’s

“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” -Gandhi

Not only is it true that “this, too, will pass” but no matter what you are going through, someone else has probably gone through it too. This is evident by the fact that people relate so well to songs. No matter what you are going through, you can find a song that sums up exactly how you feel.

The people that seek attention from others in life usually have something to hide

Always know your crowd whether you are telling a story or deciding what is important to others.

Some people are delusional and live a lie. Stay away from these people because you can’t change them or change their reality.

We never apologize for laughing or smiling, but we feel bad for crying even though it is just an emotion. Cry with vigor and then get over it. We also apologize for negative emotions but these emotions shape us and challenge us to grow. Be negative when needed and then grow and move on.

You grow the most from the hardest times. Someday you will look back at the hard times and be thankful for the struggles.

The right person can come into your life at the wrong time and they are still the wrong person

“There are so many people to love in your life, why do you worry about one?” Ben Harper

In life and business, I feel it is vital to act as if you are replaceable. It makes sure that you remember that you have to “show up” everyday in your life and work for what matters.

I think one of the big keys to really loving somebody is to believe and act every day as if they could get on without you but remind them everyday why they wouldn’t want to be without you.

Try to remove righteousness and entitlement from your life. Many gigantic crimes have occurred in the name of righteousness and entitlement takes away all accountability and need for hard work.

“People with things have the lowest self-esteem. The prettiest people do the ugliest things” -Kanye West

People are not going to change, so don’t try to change them. All you can do is change the way you think about people.

There is beauty in imperfection and there is comfort in mediocrity.

Nobody gets it right the first time, so don’t beat yourself up. Reflect on your mistakes, learn from life, and hope you get it right the next time.

Don’t be a victim of paralyzing thoughts.

I think you can learn the most from people above 50 and below 5 years of age.

Don’t give the best you have for work and colleagues and save the rest for your loved ones.

Don’t only surround yourself by people that are just like you. Respect and learn from people that are different from you. Admire people for their differences. Don’t try to change them and don’t let them try to change you.

Bob Dylan and Dr. Seuss have a pretty legit grasp on life. So does Ronnie James Kirschling

Accept gifts from others, especially mothers, because a lot of time it means so much to them to give you something

Compliment. Criticize. Compliment. -Barbara Kirschling

"He's not that into you" is really a stupid concept It gives all the power of wooing to the male and since when do they know what they really want anyways. Seriously.

Sometimes life gets so overwhelming that you have to ask for help aka go to therapy. Or in the words of Greg Kirschling, "Sometimes you have so much problems to talk about, it is only right to pay someone to listen to you."

Always accept compliments, learn from criticisms and build a circle of people that give both.
Without compliments, you won’t remember your worth.
Without criticism, you won’t strive to improve and will become delusional.

What really matters about people is how they act when nobody else is watching.

You don't have to agree 100% with someone or something to learn from others. Always listen fully and completely to what someone is saying.

Never trust anyone that is always in a good mood. Stay away from anyone that is always in a bad mood

Play lots of games with people, ask silly questions, and give hugs every once and awhile. Kids do these three things everyday and they seem pretty happy.

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love"
-Neil Galmon

I found this quote today and just liked it a lot. That is all

Good times, great people

I have met some amazing people here and some that definitely have a great perspective on life. One of my favorite persons that I have met thus far is a patient turned friend He is a retired soldier that was here when the wall went up and he was here when the wall came down. He became a blog follower because my sister disclosed the website to him. He spent some time reading my blog and had a few questions for me. One of them was, "Am I okay?" because I seemed to be really reflective in my writing and he wanted to make sure that I was content with where I was in life. I informed him that I definitely was happy with my life, but that I do now realize I haven't been blogging about my fun trips and excursions as of late. So I realized that I needed to update my blog and catch everyone up with the adventures that I have been on this year. And to inform everyone else, if my blog comes across as intense or sad sometimes, it is not meant to be that way. I am just a reflective journal writer that has turned blogger.

I have definitely realized over the last couple of months how nice it is to travel with friends. I have made memories that will stay with me for the rest of my life and deepened friendships that I hope last through the test of time.



In early May, I was given a little slice of homepie when my friend, Emily, and her mother came to visit me. We spent a day on the Rhine River seeing castles, Mother's Day hiking up to a castle and having a picnic, and a few days in Florence, Italy. Emily is the kind of friend that just gets me. I laugh a lot when I am around her and enjoy her sassy personality and easy going demeanor. We haven't really seen each other for over a year so I thought it would be odd, but alas, it was not at all. I truly felt that no time had elapsed since our last friendship outing. And I found out the beauty of facebook because we had stayed abreast on eachother's lives through facebook, so we didn't have to spend that much time filling each other in on what we have been up to. Now I had not spent much time with her mother, Angie, but I sure hope that I get to spend a lot of time with her in the future because the three of us had such a great time. Florence was definitely the high point.



Both of these pictures are quotes that I got from Emily and I thought they summed up our friendship and our time together.

While in Florence, we saw the sculpture of David. This is the best thing that I have seen while in Europe. It is truly amazing to me that someone could sculpt something so huge, with so many details, and to scale. And then you realize that there are no great sculptors that you hear about anymore... will there be pieces of history and art that stand the test to time from our generation? We also went to the Renaissance paintings museum called the Uffizzi. Now this museum was okay but after awhile it seemed to me to be the same picture done with a slight variation, so I was ready to move on to enjoying the beauty of Italian wine and Florence scenery. And we did just that by going up to the Michealangelo Piazza where we drank some wine, ate some cheese, and watched the sun go down over the city of Florence. I was not only taken back by the view but also the amount of American students that are in the city of Florence. And as we walked back to the hotel that night, I used my camera to capture the beauty of Florence in the moonlight. Florence was a great city and truly enjoyable. Besides great food, amazing company, beautiful views, and art history, there was also unbelievable shopping that was to be done. Em, Ang, and I actually got out of the city without too much money spent. We bought some jewelry, a purse, and some scarves... and then said goodbye to Italy.




My sister, Gretchen, our friend, Kelly, and I went back to Florence two weeks later. We may or may not have spent more money that time around. I realized the second time around that friends should not let friends go to Florence without a budget. We purchased many fine Italian leather items and had many great laughs. We spent so much money that we had to spend the last few hours in Florence drinking Lambrusco on a park bench because we didn't have the funds to splurge at an outdoor cafe :) But needless to say, we enjoyed "our homeless moment" on the park bench.

Over the past few months, I have realized that I have made some great friends in my life that are really an amazing support system no matter what I am going through, including making some great friends here that I hope stay in my life for the long haul. I have always known, too, that I have been blessed with an amazing family. And then there is always the solid sister friend that I have been blessed with throughout my life and that I get to enjoy this Europe adventure with.

I will post more pictures and tell more traveling tales in upcoming blogs. And thanks everyone that gives me feedback on my blog both by posting here and by sending emails... I love the feedback... a. lot!

Lots of love!

Accepting what is thrown at you

“Of course there is not formula for success except, perhaps, an unconditional acceptance of life and what it brings.”

So..
Some people enjoy drama.
Some people enjoy the thrill of the fight and love any victory no matter how small or how temporary.
Some people need to be upset about something almost all the time.
Some people actually do enjoy and seek confrontation.

But that really is just not me. I am much more the person that will (and has in the recent past):

Lose expensive sunglasses a week after I purchased them and just decide that I need to walk away and not get mad.
Not really need to talk things out because I am okay with just moving on.
Hurt myself and ignore the blood gushing out above my eye
Never return a meal at a restaurant even if it is bad and be mortified by others that do.
Pay my landlord more money than I should just to make sure there is no bad will between us.
Think of how something will affect you before I think about how it affects me.

What I have realized about myself and life is that when I am unhappy and when I bring turmoil into my life or allow others to make me angry, I get stressed out and bothered. So I guess what I have learned is that you don’t always have control of others or the outcome of a situation, but you can control how you deal with a situation and how it affects you. So I just try to not let it affect me in a negative way and not sweat the stuff that I can’t change. I thought this was a good characteristic but it has gotten a lot of negative feedback lately.

And what I have heard from people that care about me lately is that:
1. I am really passive
2. I have given up on life

I am not sure how these two statements have come to define me, because it is not the case (or I am in severe denial)

The reason that I am bringing all of this up is that recently I feel that I can’t do anything right in other people’s eyes. I do realize that these people are people that care about me, but I also feel that everyone here has the mindset PUT YOURSELF FIRST. I have had a lot of “issues” arise while in Germany; landlord concerns, boy problems, job frustrations, right vs wrong decisions. Things that are all part of life and that there is no manual on how to deal with them. I just can't help but feel that everyone is down my throat about what I should and should not do and I seem never to make the right decision. But I feel that I do what feels right to me and that is all that you can do sometimes.

It is odd because I think that there are some sayings that sum up the way I deal with things:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.

Don’t sweat the small stuff and it is all small stuff.

Choose your battles wisely.

I think in a nutshell, I do try to stay grounded and not let the external factors that I can’t alter affect me too much. But being over here I have realized how hard this truly is. I am not sure if it the Army or Germany that makes this lifestyle hard and not widely accepted but I definitely do not get kudos from my peers for my choices.

Here is a great example of my passive, giving up on life approach to life:

So recently I had to meet with my landlord because I had a broken window and a broken faucet. The broken window was due to an accident where a friend accidentally tripped into it and the faucet was due to a faulty faucet that had broken down with 14 months of use (and a faucet should have more than a 14 month life span). When I met with the landlord and a person from the housing division, my landlord said that I would have to pay for both the window and the faucet. I expected the window but not the faucet because I didn’t do anything besides normal wear and tear. When I got a bill for both, instead of focusing on the fact that it probably wasn’t right that he billed me for both, I thought how nice is it that I have the money to pay this bill. There were times in my past, where I wouldn’t have been able to take a “surprise bill” like this and it feels good to be able to handle what life throws at you. But when others found out about it, all I get is the feedback, “that is not fair.” I have come to conclude that a lot of time life is NOT fair... but this is a minor not fair; definitely not a major. So why not just chalk it up to a good story and move on, eh?

But, in true Meaghan style, I do see the other side. I get that if you allow others to take advantage of you, they will. And this is starting to resonant with me more and more here. I see in this setting, more than other time in my life, that the squeaky wheel does get the oil. The people that demand that they should not be ignored, are not here. They are the ones that get the recognition and the ones that get what they want. The other people are walked over and abused. And I am slightly afraid of what I am setting up with my landlord. It is nice that now we say “hallo” to each other when passing but is he just going to keep taking my money whenever he can because I let him.

I am an analogy type of person, so I do have an analogy for the situations that arise here. There are certain times in life when you are in what I call a riptide. A situation that you can’t really control... because it is more powerful than you. Nothing that you do can alter the course of events; you just have to survive and get through. And they are situations that would rip apart and “kill” most people. And in these situations, I feel that what you have to do is just swim with the current because if you swim against it, you will be destroyed... no matter how strong of a swimmer you are. I have been in a few riptide situations in my life and there are moments here that I think that this place can be a riptide... and so it is necessary to “go with the flow” no matter how chaotic that flow actually might be.

Now I realize that you need to do what is necessary to make yourself happy and I do always make sure that I am happy. And because of that I can say that I am a 31 year old woman that is happy with the way my life has panned out and with the vast majority of decisions that I have made. There are things that I would change because I do think that I have missed out on some opportunities and some loves because of my lackadaisical approach to life, but who doesn’t have things that they would do differently. I guess when it comes down to it, it just doesn’t take a lot to make me happy but if I am unhappy, I know that I have to take a stand and change things. But in the end, what is the best approach to take??

So one of the main reasons that I wanted to post this is to get feedback, especially wisdom from others. What do you think is the best approach? I really would greatly appreciate any insight and feedback.

And thanks for reading... lots of love,
Meaghan

A Different Kind of Reality

So I went to bed an hour ago (or at least tried to go to bed an hour ago) and couldn’t sleep and then found myself crying. I know that this is not the most uplifting sentence to start a blog, especially the first blog in months. However, this is a blog that I have journaled about and thought about many times and do feel compelled to write. And I felt the need to turn my tears into words and mentally digest everything through writing it out.

There is no denying that life here is different, in so many ways. I have now been here for almost 15 months. And there are a few things that I have come to realize…

I remember the day that I realized that I no longer wanted to ask patients about their deployment injuries because the stories they told me were horrific. And I couldn’t fathom that a 21 year old had already experienced firsthand the story they were telling me. And I couldn’t believe that they were telling this story with all the details and NO EMOTIONS because they had emotionally removed themselves from the event even though it happened to them.

I remember the day I realized that this war is changing a lot of young people’s lives forever. Because even after they are done fighting, the memories, the situations, and the consequences stay with them in so many different forms. People are seeing their best friends get killed right before them, people are having to kill young children to survive, people are living everyday in an environment where they don’t know who they can and cannot trust, and people are not able to sleep because of what they have witnessed.

I remember the day that I realized that these young wives were incredibly strong and brave. But these traits are not genetic or naturally imbedded in their blood; they are survival traits that are necessary to get through the other side of deployment and they have no choice but to be these things. They were not chosen or destined to be Army wives because they are stronger than most people. But they chose this life because they love and they love a lot…. And that love makes them stronger because they have to be.

I remember the day that I realized that not all of the people fighting this war agree with this war but they are willing to proudly go off and fight in a war. Instead of exercising their freedom of speech and talking/demonstrating against the war, they go off and fight for other people’s freedom.

I remember the day that I realized that the US, for the most part, is desensitized to this war. Because before coming over here I did not realize any of this to the full extent and most people back in the States still don’t.



This week there have been three casualties from Baumholder. Two occurred earlier last week and the third yesterday or today (the reporting is always a little vague regarding the timeframe). I don’t know much about the most recent fatality. However, I do know the two soldiers that were killed last week were due to an Afghan border patrol turning on them. There is strong belief that it was due to the large amounts of riots going on in Afghanistan because of the burning of the Koran back in the United States. It makes you really think about the fact that one man in Florida making a statement against another religion, what he probably thought was his freedom of speech to do, caused such an uproar in a community thousands of miles away that two men who were fighting for freedom lost their lives. And then one man in Afghanistan responded and forever changed the lives of two families; their were two wives widowed and two children left without a dad. A terrible butterfly effect.

As mentioned, I did find myself crying tonight. But not necessarily in a bad way:) I have always said that crying is just another emotion and we never apologize for laughing or releasing other emotions and we should not apologize for a good-much-needed cry. I think for the most part I just feel for everyone. I feel for my friends that are worried about their significant others. I feel for my friends fighting the war right now. I really feel for the families that lost loved ones. And I fear for the hardships that will come up in the next coming months.

But I do know all of this is out of our hands. All we have is faith and hope that everything will be okay in the end and everyone else will come back safe and stay out of harms way. But in the meantime, please pray for the soldiers and their families. And never forget what they do everyday so that you have the freedom to do what you do everyday.

Lots of love…. Meaghan