Meaghan In Germany: Leaving home

"Home is not where you live, but where they understand you" -Christian Morganstern

"Home is where you can say anything you please, because nobody pays any attention to you anyway" -Joe Moore

Today is a TWO BLOG KINDA DAY!!! Actually I have been keeping up with my blogging the old school way: journaling. So today I decided to type some of them up so they can truly become blogs.

So here is Blog #2 of the day.

It hit me yesterday that I have been away from home now long enough for a good friend to have a baby without me even knowing she is pregnant!!! And I realized that I have been away for that long because that exact thing happened! (Thanks facebook for keeping me in the loop.)

Which is sorta ironic that happened and made me feel disconnected from home, because I randomly found a book in my library the other night that I started reading. The book is titled “Leaving Home” and is written by Garrison Keilor. I am not sure where I acquired this book, but I would guess that it was probably part of one of my mom’s infamous care packages that she sends to me here in Germany to remind me of home and that I need to call home. These boxes are usually filled with items that you never knew you wanted and things you did not even realize you were missing in your life. Possibly the book arrived in the same care package that I got a My Little Pony Book and a Playboy magazine (no one can ever say my mom doesn’t have quite the sense of humor) all in one box. (Disclaimer: MOM! I love the care packages... pa-pa-please don't stop sending them... I just don't need anymore magazines. Thanks).

But anyways, I started reading this book and it really hit HOME (pun sorta intended). Maybe because Garrison Keilor and Lake Wobegon are Minnesota classics and I remember listening to Prairie Home Companion on the radio during the summers at our cabin in Hayward, Wisconsin or maybe it is just because I did indeed leave home recently. And the fact that I am away from “home”, has recently really hit “home” for me in a big way.

In the book “Leaving Home” the first paragraph really made me think, it said:

“Leaving home is a kind of forgiveness and when you get among strangers, you’re amazed at how decent they seem. Nobody smirks at you or gossips about you, nobody resents your successes or relishes your defeats. You get to start over, a sort of redemption.”

But with this fresh start of finding a new group of people and environment, there are definitely a few things you give up. You realize that you leave the people that genuinely care about you and your wellbeing. You leave behind the comfort of those that you can be yourself around, those that good times come very easily, those that you don’t have to explain yourself to because they just get you, and those loved ones that will cry when you cry or laugh when you laugh or laugh at you because you are crying. And without these people, there is no one to share life’s little simple moments of happiness with and no one that wants to listen to all the fleeting moments that happen and frivolous thoughts that go through your head during the day. And no one to have silly time with during the day that you will always remember for the rest of your life. And no one that will just go with you to Target at the drop of the hat or go out to eat with you even if they are not hungry because they just want to spend time with you.

So you give up a little in hopes that you will gain a little more and you start on a new adventure in your life; an adventure that can only occur by pushing your comfort zone and deciding to leave home in hopes of creating a new one.

This transition in life has helped me realized that there are two things that make a home: 1. How connected you are to the location. 2. How connected you are to the people. And for both of these to occur it takes time and memories. You definitely have to invest in creating a home environment in both the new place and the new people you met. And you hope that these new people that Garrison Keilor says won't judge you or smirk at you, will also turn out to be genuinely decent people and start to care about you over time.

You definitely know when you consider a place home. If I see pictures of Minnesota or a lake, I instantly get a feeling of nostalgia with uncontrollable happiness and a huge desire to go home. This week one of the people I work with was reading about the sinking of the SS Edmund Fitzgerald. I just happened to randomly stumble upon him reading this and instantly got really excited because the picture of the boat was it going through the Aerial Lift Bridge in Duluth, MN (my home!!!!). And for some reason I thought he would want to hear about my hometown. But to my dismay, he just looked at me with judgment and confusion as I went on and on about the lay out of Lake Superior and facts about the Aerial Lift Bridge. I couldn't believe that he did not even care that I was a life guard for two whole summers on Park Point which was OBVIOUSLY the beach on Lake Superior on the other side of the bridge. He just zoned out all of my great facts and stories about my hometown and went back to reading about the fateful night that the ship sank without fully listening to my inside scoop. But what did I expect because this guy also didn’t seem to care a few weeks ago that Prince was from Minnesota and tried to change a Prince song when it came on in the gym… guess he just has no Land of 10,000 Lakes pride. So whatever!

And then there is the connection that you have to people back home. I think no matter where your life travels take you, you instantly feel more connected to people that come from the same place as you. Anybody from Minnesota must be good people in my book, and I will give the benefit of the doubt to anyone from Minnesota before I even think about becoming friends with someone from California or New York. Because let's be honest those people are just different from me :). If you can talk to me about the Minnesota state fair, the lakes of Minneapolis, the St. Paul farmer's market, Minnesota high school hockey, how Duluth is the San Francisco of the Midwest (I might have made that up but anyone from Duluth will know what I am talking about), lake effect snow, -40 degree weather, water skiing, muskie fishing, and extreme pontooning... you are my kind of people.

Leaving a place and starting anew is not a scary thing to me. I have never been afraid of change or I have just been in denial that I am okay with change. Either way, I realize that I have taken a few leaps in my life and I am never that scared to change things up a little. I have realized that I have been blessed because I have made many great friends during different stages of my life. And for the most part these are friends that have helped me to create "homes away from home" during my life. And people that I know I feel "at home" with whenever I am around them. And I know I miss them because recently I have become that girl that starts many stories with “my best friend from college” or “my good friend from high school” or “my best guy friend.” I am not sure if I do this so that people here will realize that I do have friends and they should want to be my friend or because I have realized how important my friends are to me. But it has gotten so bad that my sister has had to ask me “How many best friends do you have?” But I have also started to realize that I have made friendships here that someday will result in stories being told that include "my good friends from Germany".

Which means that this place lately is starting to become home... slowly but surely. I get mildly excited to get back here sometimes (depending on the weather) and the people are starting to become comfortable to me. I am settling in and making good friends and for that I am extremely happy and grateful.

Along with this blog, I thought it was only right that I posted pictures of Minnesota... MY HOME:). I hope you enjoy looking at the pictures as much as I do.