My Sweettart Experience!

So my older brother has always been able to do something that impresses me more than anything. He has been able to cut things out of his life… cold turkey and for good!!! A matter of fact, he has tried to mentor me into being able to just "cut the fat" and not look back. Sadly, I am not very good at it.

Besides being able to just drop things out of his life, he has also been able to remember crazy amounts of information and recall it at a drop of a dime. His mind is like a steel trap. So now that you guys envision this kid as a heartless Rain man, let me explain where I am going.

Greg used to be afraid that he was “addicted” to certain things; pop, spree candy, sweettarts, etc. So when he felt that he had become dependent on these things, he would just completely cut them out. NO CHEATING! NO GOING BACK! JUST GOODBYE! And the amazing thing is that he would remember the day. So if you asked him today, “Hey Greg, when did you last eat a Sweettart?” He would respond without hesitation, “November 13, 1994” and that was that. And you knew that was the last time the sweetness of that tarty candy did indeed hit his mouth.

I am not like this… I have no problem saying I need to cut back on something… but cold turkey goodbyes to things in my life, are just not my thing.

But I have decided that I am ready to do my first cold turkey cut… well, sorta. I have decided to cut something out of my life for at least 30 days and then see how it goes. For me, it is a step in the right direction 

I have decided that I am going to deactivate my facebook account. I feel that I go on this social network and it makes me feel falsely connected to people back home. Instead of calling or emailing or having interactive conversations of some type, I just stalk people’s facebook pages. Then I look at pictures and read status updates and when I do talk to people on the phone, I already know what they have been doing. I just don’t think this is right. So I have decided that I am going to spend 30 days focusing on what I call old school communication; phone calls and emails... maybe even a few cards or hand written notes, who knows?

So I do think if I am going to do this; just do it. Don’t talk about doing it... but deactivate already. And I went through all the steps but the very last one today, and let me tell you why… this story makes me such a dork!

So I sent a private message to about twenty people from back home letting them know that I was going to do this and my main reason is that I wanted to focus on staying in touch with them more. They were the people that I followed on facebook and I wanted to talk to them, not stalk them. Then I went to deactivate my account and this is what happened:

1. Facebook gives you a downright guilt trip if you try to deactivate your account. After you tell them why you are making this silly decision, it brings you to a page that says, “Hattie Maria is going to miss you” and it shows a picture of you and her having a grand old time. “Missy is going to miss you” and sure enough I remember by a facebook photo we are both tagged in that we did have some great times. And “Dave is going to miss you” ...and shucks, I don’t know what to do because I didn't even think about what this would do to Dave. But I decide that I can just call all of these people and they will be fine without my facebook presence for a month or so. So I move on in the deactivation process.
2. I get to the final step. That step where you have to type in an encrypted code so facebook can make sure that someone somewhere is not just using a computer program to deactivate a lot of people’s accounts. And I am two letters… TWO LETTERS from finishing this and all of a sudden a game changing thought pops into my head… “My birthday is in 1 week and that is my favorite facebook day.” People from throughout your life feel the need to wish you a happy birthday because they are reminded via facebook that it is your bday. How sad because I seriously only didn’t deactivate today because I wanted to wait til after my birthday.

So I am still on facebook, but did send out another message to all those that I reached out to earlier and declared that I was leaving and said, “Operation Ditch Facebook will have to wait til after my birthday.”

Now I am sure that this has raised some questions for all of you, so I do want to address some FAQs:

Q. Why don’t you just not log onto your account for 30 days?
A. That goes against the whole Sweettart theory. If I know it is there, I will use it. I have to throw away the fat… I can’t cut it and just leave it on my plate. Plus the deciding factor in this decision has been WWGD (What Would Greg Do?)... he would deactivate.

Q. You are going to have to add all your friends again once you resign up for facebook?
A. Fret not, my friends. I have researched this and once you reactivate your account, it just comes back up like you never left. And during the steps of deactivation, facebook even lets you know this.

Q. Everyone that leaves, always comes back... so what will you really accomplish?
A. I am hoping to achieve some good phone call conversations this month, some interactive emails, and more blogging. I know I will probably be back on day 31, but I want to see if it does make a difference and I have thought about this for awhile.

Q. Why don’t you just defriend those people you don’t want in your life?
A. First of all, I have a strong belief that defriending people is extremely passive aggressive. My brother would be extremely angry at me for saying this because he thinks this is the ultimate way to cut the fat out of life and needed but it is just not me. Plus I don’t want to cut people out of my life, I just want to communicate in more meaningful ways with those that mean a lot to me. Second of all, I have been defriended three times (that I know of)... and each time has hurt A LOT because you get NOOOOO closure... NONE!

Q. Why don’t you just call people more and keep facebook?
A. I don’t know... this just seems more dramatic and fun.


So sorry Hattie, Missy, Dave and et al. if you do miss me, but I have made up my mind. But first, please let me enjoy a great facebook day on my bday!

Leaving home

"Home is not where you live, but where they understand you" -Christian Morganstern



"Home is where you can say anything you please, because nobody pays any attention to you anyway" -Joe Moore


Today is a TWO BLOG KINDA DAY!!! Actually I have been keeping up with my blogging the old school way: journaling. So today I decided to type some of them up so they can truly become blogs.

So here is Blog #2 of the day.



It hit me yesterday that I have been away from home now long enough for a good friend to have a baby without me even knowing she is pregnant!!! And I realized that I have been away for that long because that exact thing happened! (Thanks facebook for keeping me in the loop.)

Which is sorta ironic that happened and made me feel disconnected from home, because I randomly found a book in my library the other night that I started reading. The book is titled “Leaving Home” and is written by Garrison Keilor. I am not sure where I acquired this book, but I would guess that it was probably part of one of my mom’s infamous care packages that she sends to me here in Germany to remind me of home and that I need to call home. These boxes are usually filled with items that you never knew you wanted and things you did not even realize you were missing in your life. Possibly the book arrived in the same care package that I got a My Little Pony Book and a Playboy magazine (no one can ever say my mom doesn’t have quite the sense of humor) all in one box. (Disclaimer: MOM! I love the care packages... pa-pa-please don't stop sending them... I just don't need anymore magazines. Thanks).

But anyways, I started reading this book and it really hit HOME (pun sorta intended). Maybe because Garrison Keilor and Lake Wobegon are Minnesota classics and I remember listening to Prairie Home Companion on the radio during the summers at our cabin in Hayward, Wisconsin or maybe it is just because I did indeed leave home recently. And the fact that I am away from “home”, has recently really hit “home” for me in a big way.

In the book “Leaving Home” the first paragraph really made me think, it said:

“Leaving home is a kind of forgiveness and when you get among strangers, you’re amazed at how decent they seem. Nobody smirks at you or gossips about you, nobody resents your successes or relishes your defeats. You get to start over, a sort of redemption.”

But with this fresh start of finding a new group of people and environment, there are definitely a few things you give up. You realize that you leave the people that genuinely care about you and your wellbeing. You leave behind the comfort of those that you can be yourself around, those that good times come very easily, those that you don’t have to explain yourself to because they just get you, and those loved ones that will cry when you cry or laugh when you laugh or laugh at you because you are crying. And without these people, there is no one to share life’s little simple moments of happiness with and no one that wants to listen to all the fleeting moments that happen and frivolous thoughts that go through your head during the day. And no one to have silly time with during the day that you will always remember for the rest of your life. And no one that will just go with you to Target at the drop of the hat or go out to eat with you even if they are not hungry because they just want to spend time with you.



So you give up a little in hopes that you will gain a little more and you start on a new adventure in your life; an adventure that can only occur by pushing your comfort zone and deciding to leave home in hopes of creating a new one.

This transition in life has helped me realized that there are two things that make a home: 1. How connected you are to the location. 2. How connected you are to the people. And for both of these to occur it takes time and memories. You definitely have to invest in creating a home environment in both the new place and the new people you met. And you hope that these new people that Garrison Keilor says won't judge you or smirk at you, will also turn out to be genuinely decent people and start to care about you over time.



You definitely know when you consider a place home. If I see pictures of Minnesota or a lake, I instantly get a feeling of nostalgia with uncontrollable happiness and a huge desire to go home. This week one of the people I work with was reading about the sinking of the SS Edmund Fitzgerald. I just happened to randomly stumble upon him reading this and instantly got really excited because the picture of the boat was it going through the Aerial Lift Bridge in Duluth, MN (my home!!!!). And for some reason I thought he would want to hear about my hometown. But to my dismay, he just looked at me with judgment and confusion as I went on and on about the lay out of Lake Superior and facts about the Aerial Lift Bridge. I couldn't believe that he did not even care that I was a life guard for two whole summers on Park Point which was OBVIOUSLY the beach on Lake Superior on the other side of the bridge. He just zoned out all of my great facts and stories about my hometown and went back to reading about the fateful night that the ship sank without fully listening to my inside scoop. But what did I expect because this guy also didn’t seem to care a few weeks ago that Prince was from Minnesota and tried to change a Prince song when it came on in the gym… guess he just has no Land of 10,000 Lakes pride. So whatever!

And then there is the connection that you have to people back home. I think no matter where your life travels take you, you instantly feel more connected to people that come from the same place as you. Anybody from Minnesota must be good people in my book, and I will give the benefit of the doubt to anyone from Minnesota before I even think about becoming friends with someone from California or New York. Because let's be honest those people are just different from me :). If you can talk to me about the Minnesota state fair, the lakes of Minneapolis, the St. Paul farmer's market, Minnesota high school hockey, how Duluth is the San Francisco of the Midwest (I might have made that up but anyone from Duluth will know what I am talking about), lake effect snow, -40 degree weather, water skiing, muskie fishing, and extreme pontooning... you are my kind of people.



Leaving a place and starting anew is not a scary thing to me. I have never been afraid of change or I have just been in denial that I am okay with change. Either way, I realize that I have taken a few leaps in my life and I am never that scared to change things up a little. I have realized that I have been blessed because I have made many great friends during different stages of my life. And for the most part these are friends that have helped me to create "homes away from home" during my life. And people that I know I feel "at home" with whenever I am around them. And I know I miss them because recently I have become that girl that starts many stories with “my best friend from college” or “my good friend from high school” or “my best guy friend.” I am not sure if I do this so that people here will realize that I do have friends and they should want to be my friend or because I have realized how important my friends are to me. But it has gotten so bad that my sister has had to ask me “How many best friends do you have?” But I have also started to realize that I have made friendships here that someday will result in stories being told that include "my good friends from Germany".

Which means that this place lately is starting to become home... slowly but surely. I get mildly excited to get back here sometimes (depending on the weather) and the people are starting to become comfortable to me. I am settling in and making good friends and for that I am extremely happy and grateful.

Along with this blog, I thought it was only right that I posted pictures of Minnesota... MY HOME:). I hope you enjoy looking at the pictures as much as I do.


(These are the people that will always be my home.)


(This is a view of the lake from the window of my home on Island Lake)

Cinque Terre: The Land of Cat Fights and Hiking to New Heights

Over Columbus Day weekend, I went to Cinque Terre Italy with a group of 8 girls for a Girls' Weekend. We were going with the intent of celebrating Gretchen and Danielle’s birthdays, and managed to have a weekend that I will remember for the rest of my life.



I must admit that before this trip, I felt like this place was getting the best of me. I am not even sure why or how but this environment is really different than anything that I have been exposed to… ever. But the weekend reminded me that no matter how crazy life can get sometimes, all you need are some goofy times, loud laughs, refreshing "real talk"(perferibly on the kitchen floor), and great lifelong-memory-making-sessions to remember what matters in life.


Cinque Terre is made up of five towns on the coast of Italy and it is full of good food (real Italian food and seafood… yum!), great wine and Lemonicello, amazing views, and lots of hiking. It really is an unique place that should be on everyone’s list of places that they should go to sometime in their life.

The funny thing is that I feel that if I tried to relive some of the stories from that weekend they would be lost in translation. The weekend consisted of a bar fight where a gin and tonic was thrown in a girl's face, late night Lemonicello cat calls, Kelly getting attacked by a cat, talks on the kitchen floor, and walks through the paths of CT late at night with no shoes on. So it might truly have been a weekend where you “just had to be there.” But even though only 4 of us girls ventured there with cameras, about 800 pictures were taken. So I will let some of the pictures tell most of the story.

The reason so many pictures were taken is that we did start the weekend by Danielle telling us that she has noticed that when Italian women take pictures they really pose, usually in overly dramatic positions, and then their admiring husbands/boyfriends will let out a “perfecto” if they captured the seductive mood just right. That was all we needed to be convinced that the weekend would be filled with as many “perfecto” poses as possible.

Each of the five towns has its own personality and it is really fun to hike from one town to the other. The first day of hiking, Gretch, Liza, Kelly, and I did get a little tired of hiking so we played a small game of Truth and Dare during the hike. The game pretty much consisted of us drinking a bottle of Meloncello, asking random people odd questions, and Kelly picking up a stray cat that attacked her... but she got away with only a few scratches.

There was also an American bar near our hotel, so we went there both nights. The first night I do believe that we crashed a private party and got into a small bar brawl and the second night we met two men from Ohio that were traveling through Italy for two weeks.

There were actually a lot of Americans in Cinque Terre and one of the high points was that a couple stopped in to the restaurant we were eating at for the birthday celebration. They thanked the girls for all the sacrifices that they make being Army wives (all the girls are married to Army men except for me and Kelly). It was very touching and it was nice for someone to verbalize to these women that the daily sacrifices they make do not go unnoticed. I can't imagine being married and being away from my husband as much as military wives are, so it is nice when that is recognized by someone.

Overall, it was an amazing weekend and just plain unbelievable. I will leave with one of my favorite findings from the weekend. There is a walk of love from one town to the other where people put up locks and write things about their loved ones. This is one of the drawings and it says, "The brave may not live forever, but the cautious never live at all"