I know that an imagination is a terrible thing to waste, but I do believe that at times mine can be a little over active and way out of control.... especially when it comes to forming both conspiracy theories and possible murder plots against me.
I chalk up the fact that I get scared easily and my ability to come up with crazy scenarios to the fact that I used to watch copious amounts of "Unsolved Mysteries" and "Rescue 911" as a child. Now because of my brother's love for movies, I also watched such thrilling classics as "Fatal Attraction", "Poltergeist," and "Nightmare on Elm Street" at a young age, ie 6-8 years of age... but these didn't really phase me. I was more traumatized and scared by "Willow", "Dark Crystal", "Labyrinth", and "Return to Oz" then I was scared by the actual scary movies. I believe that the later movies freaking me out still has a role in why I can't watch fantasy today. I would rather run into Freddy Krueger on the street than Willow or any small person with long hair for that matter... just saying.
But the point to this story is that I have always been a little timid and scared and believed that someone was actively trying to either kidnap me or kill me or the ones that I love. As a child it was prettty bad. I vividly remember when my mom worked nights, I used to cry myself to sleep in hopes that I would exhaust myself and fall asleep because I needed a break from my imagination believing that there was definitely someone in the house trying to get me. I also remember many times when I was almost kidnapped. Sometime I can tell you the three times that I am sure that I dodged being taken away in a white van... to this day I am positive it almost happened.
As I have grown up, I have actually been able to control my fears except for certain moments. I stay away from scary movies because they mentally mess with me for days. Case and point: When I watched "Mothman Prophecies" I didn't sleep for three days... three days.... there is no reason to not sleep. It is not a scary movie, really but it freaked me out. I also used to have this repeating fear as an adolescent/young adult. I can't believe I am admitting this because it is really dumb. During my senior year of high school and when I would come back during the summers from college, there were many times that I would come home in the middle of the night after hanging out with friends to our haunted creepy looking house on 5th Street in Duluth. When the house was dark, it was really dark. There were NUMEROUS nights that I would crawl into bed and lay there and all of a sudden get really scared that maybe, just maybe, my whole family was murdered while I was out becuase the house was so quiet. And then I would get really scared and frightened about me waking up to a completely dead family. These thoughts were not fleeting, they would penetrate my mind. So I would then do what any logical person would do, I would go into my little brother's room and poke him until he stirred. I chose him for two reasons to affirm that my family was still alive. 1. He would go back to bed easily and not remember it in the morning. I did once crawl into my sister's bed to confirm she was still alive and she yelled at me viciously. It is such an odd feeling to be soooooo happy that your sister is alive that you want to hug her and cuddle with her but she is yelling at you for waking up with her. So after getting the wrath from Gretchen, from then on out, it was always the little brother that would get the nudge test. 2. It was also convenient to choose him, because he was upstairs on the third floor with me so I didn't have to brave the possibility that the murderers might still be in the house and go onto another floor of the house. So i would nudge my brother, see him move, then peacefully fall asleep for the night. I know this is not normal but it happened OFTEN.
But the reason I share this completey crazy story is so that you understand how vivid and controlling my imagination can be.
That brings up the next point about me. I usually don't say anything or bring up my point unless I am sure that I know what I am talking about. And I would say 95% of the time I am right on BUT the 5% of the time that I am wrong... I AM EXTREMELY WRONG. But I will convince everyone that I am with that I am right even during these 5% of time... usually because I believe it with everything that I am. I call these "my conspiracy theory moments" because I will have you believing whatever I believe even when it is all the way out in left field.
So last night all of this came together for one night of freaking myself out which hasn't happened for awhile. But when I do something, I don't do it half ass, so I made up quite the scenario and believed it was unfolding. I woke up at 4 am because the power went out. Now someone might ask, "who wakes up because the power goes out?" because the lights were already off and there was really no way for me to know the power went off but my fan stopped and I am a big white noise sleeper. Therefore, I woke up to complete silence which allowed me to hear those voices in my head that wanted to inform me that bad things might be a brewing. So I can't help at night that my mind wanders and I instantly go back to the fact that the news now says that there is a traveling warning for Europe. And I think to myself is this the terrorists cutting off our power. Now the crazy thing is that when the power goes off, cell phone reception is also lost here. Not sure why.. crazy Germany thing. So I also think have they put up some cloud that doesn't allow the transmission of cell phones from satellites. I also know if this is all coming true, I am not in a good place because if people show up in my lil community of Albessen and ask for Americans... I and the lady who lives below me would be the only sacrificial lambs to offer up. And though I have tried to hide it, everyone here knows I am American... afterall I am referred to as the "Americana frau". So once again I do the only logical thing I can think of for someone that was woken up suddently at 4 am, can't see anything, and is not able to call anyone on her landline or home phone... I light two scented candles, decide that I have to go to my sister's house because I can't shower by candlelight but first take my dogs on a 15 minute walk. I am not sure what I was thinking with the walk except that I didn't think it would be fair for the dogs to have to be home for an extended period of time, since I was leaving at 430 am, without a substantial walk and it would give me a chance to scope out the dark neighborhood.
So after the walk, I had all my stuff and was leaving the house. I kid you not, I put my hand on the frontdoor knob to leave and the lights came on. But it was sorta loud and I screamed louder than I have ever screamed before in my life because I thought it was someone coming to get me.... I am a geek! Downright dweeb.. but I entertain myself many a days and once again my whole conspiracy theory was wrong. I just thought that was a story worth sharing.
So I also used this imagination of mine for good this weekend. I took a bunch of pictures from my time in Germany and made them into black and white photos to hang in my house. I have always wanted a wall of black and white photos so I am pumped to get them and hang them up. I also photoshopped some with different effects and color. I have included some in this blog.
I am going to go to bed now... hopefully without any weird thoughts. BE SAFE AND NUDGE A LOVED ONE TONIGHT... JUST TO BE SURE!
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