So I went to bed an hour ago (or at least tried to go to bed an hour ago) and couldn’t sleep and then found myself crying. I know that this is not the most uplifting sentence to start a blog, especially the first blog in months. However, this is a blog that I have journaled about and thought about many times and do feel compelled to write. And I felt the need to turn my tears into words and mentally digest everything through writing it out.
There is no denying that life here is different, in so many ways. I have now been here for almost 15 months. And there are a few things that I have come to realize…
I remember the day that I realized that I no longer wanted to ask patients about their deployment injuries because the stories they told me were horrific. And I couldn’t fathom that a 21 year old had already experienced firsthand the story they were telling me. And I couldn’t believe that they were telling this story with all the details and NO EMOTIONS because they had emotionally removed themselves from the event even though it happened to them.
I remember the day I realized that this war is changing a lot of young people’s lives forever. Because even after they are done fighting, the memories, the situations, and the consequences stay with them in so many different forms. People are seeing their best friends get killed right before them, people are having to kill young children to survive, people are living everyday in an environment where they don’t know who they can and cannot trust, and people are not able to sleep because of what they have witnessed.
I remember the day that I realized that these young wives were incredibly strong and brave. But these traits are not genetic or naturally imbedded in their blood; they are survival traits that are necessary to get through the other side of deployment and they have no choice but to be these things. They were not chosen or destined to be Army wives because they are stronger than most people. But they chose this life because they love and they love a lot…. And that love makes them stronger because they have to be.
I remember the day that I realized that not all of the people fighting this war agree with this war but they are willing to proudly go off and fight in a war. Instead of exercising their freedom of speech and talking/demonstrating against the war, they go off and fight for other people’s freedom.
I remember the day that I realized that the US, for the most part, is desensitized to this war. Because before coming over here I did not realize any of this to the full extent and most people back in the States still don’t.
This week there have been three casualties from Baumholder. Two occurred earlier last week and the third yesterday or today (the reporting is always a little vague regarding the timeframe). I don’t know much about the most recent fatality. However, I do know the two soldiers that were killed last week were due to an Afghan border patrol turning on them. There is strong belief that it was due to the large amounts of riots going on in Afghanistan because of the burning of the Koran back in the United States. It makes you really think about the fact that one man in Florida making a statement against another religion, what he probably thought was his freedom of speech to do, caused such an uproar in a community thousands of miles away that two men who were fighting for freedom lost their lives. And then one man in Afghanistan responded and forever changed the lives of two families; their were two wives widowed and two children left without a dad. A terrible butterfly effect.
As mentioned, I did find myself crying tonight. But not necessarily in a bad way:) I have always said that crying is just another emotion and we never apologize for laughing or releasing other emotions and we should not apologize for a good-much-needed cry. I think for the most part I just feel for everyone. I feel for my friends that are worried about their significant others. I feel for my friends fighting the war right now. I really feel for the families that lost loved ones. And I fear for the hardships that will come up in the next coming months.
But I do know all of this is out of our hands. All we have is faith and hope that everything will be okay in the end and everyone else will come back safe and stay out of harms way. But in the meantime, please pray for the soldiers and their families. And never forget what they do everyday so that you have the freedom to do what you do everyday.
Lots of love…. Meaghan
